Initial Challenges

“You have this idea of how you think things will be and then the baby’s born and you realize
it’s a whole new world
every single day you’re learning and figuring it all out.” - New Mom

Initial Challenges

“You have this idea of how you think things will be and then the baby’s born and you realize
it’s a whole new world
every single day you’re learning and figuring it all out.” - New Mom

Initial Challenges
×

Settling In

The first few weeks at home, babies are mostly in a nonstop cycle of eating and sleeping, and it’s a great time for you and Dad to get some solid footing. Check in with each other and reflect on shared hopes and dreams for your family, because it’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day baby life and lose sight of the big picture: creating a happy family.

So how do new parents create a happy family?

They become partners in every sense of the word. They talk about the important issues and get on the same page before childbirth. Once the baby is born, they develop systems to manage the workload. They make sure they're not getting stuck in ruts that are common for new parents. All this might sound obvious and sensible, but “sensible” can easily fly out the window when you’re overwhelmed and sleep-deprived.

Building strong communication skills and teamwork from the start will keep you and Dad connected and working as a team for decades, especially through those challenging times.

READ! A Diary of the First Four Weeks

"There's this extra level of communication you have to figure out with your partner and you will, but just clearly communicate what you need. I've been practicing that a lot more, and I feel like that's been really helpful."

- New Mom

Gathering Your Village

For some parents-to-be, building a support system can feel really challenging, while others have a huge circle of extended family and friends. But the village approach to parenting is important and gives kids experience with different people and personalities. Not to mention it takes a lot of pressure off new moms and dads–always a plus!

Before your baby is born, think about the people in your life and who can help you and Dad get sleep, prep meals, run errands, or whatever else might be needed. If someone is a great cook, there’s your meal-prep person. You have an animal lover in the family? Hello, dog walker! You get the picture...Accept help when it’s offered and ask for it when it’s not. And know that people are usually most eager to pitch-in during that first month or so (maybe because they assume you need less help after that). And definitely avoid trying to be Supermom and do everything on your own, because that just creates unnecessary stress.

 READ! How to Build Your Village

“Take help from family and friends...let them do meals, hold the baby, do dishes. They're willing to help if you tell them what you need.”

 - New Mom

A Word on Grandparents

Today, grandparents are often an underappreciated resource, but in cultures where grandparents are considered a source of wisdom and support, families are less stressed overall. This makes perfect sense, because more hands on deck equals less pressure for Mom and Dad. And studies show hands-on grandparents have lasting, positive effects on their grandchild’s well-being, as well as their own.

But one of the first things we tend to do is assume grandparents are kind of clueless when it comes to baby care. Just because your mom had you sleeping on your stomach as a baby doesn’t mean her input is useless: she was following her pediatrician’s advice just like you (and nothing will make you appreciate your mom like becoming one yourself).

Also, don’t forget grandpa, because he’s a part of the picture, too. Over and over again, we hear from proud grandfathers who are genuinely interested in how dads today are so involved with their kids. Most likely, he wants to be involved, too.

We're not saying having hands-on grandparents is always stress-free; it just depends on your family dynamics. But some basic, pre-childbirth conversations to set boundaries and make sure everyone is on the same page will usually get things moving in the right direction.

Just stay open to accepting help, because it’s a great way for you and Dad to strengthen family bonds and feel supported.

READ! Tips for New Grandparents of Newborns

Turn Your Differences into Strengths

Many things factor into how we parent: our childhood, culture, religion, temperament, and more. So it makes sense that you and Dad may have different parenting styles, which is actually great for raising well-rounded kids— unless you end up fighting over your differences.

It’s one thing to divide household jobs like emptying the dishwasher or taking out the trash, but it’s another thing if you’re arguing over who should get up with the baby during the night.

Instead of insisting there’s one way of doing things, let your differences be your strengths, and focus on how you balance each other out. If something is bothering you, try to hold off and discuss it when the baby is sleeping and you’re calm and not wanting to jump down your partner’s throat—often easier said than done with hormones running amok! And remember Dad’s way of doing things has as much value as yours and is just as beneficial for your baby.

“There was a lot of tension in our house. We were getting really snippy with each other, and we finally just said, ‘Here’s the deal: This is what you need from me and this is what I need from you.’ When communication breaks down, there are all kinds of problems. So if you have something to say, say it in a nice, non-threatening way. Preferably when she’s had a little bit of sleep, because teamwork really comes from communicating.” 

- New Dad

Teamwork: The Key to Your Sanity & Relationship

Nothing builds closeness between parents like working together to create a family. It has a huge impact on how much you enjoy spending time together and improves every aspect of raising kids.

Research shows teamwork has long-term benefits  for your baby: 

  • Models positive behavior.
  • Makes kids feel safe and confident.
  • Reduces behavioral issues.
  • Results in stronger pre-academic skills and greater self-reliance.

If you’re like most moms-to-be, you’re thinking: Teamwork—that’s EXACTLY what we’ll be doing! But the reality is, without some pre-baby conversations about how to handle it all, you’ll be headed for frustration down the road. Teamwork takes a certain skill set (communication, cooperation, organization) and parenting as a team means working together a lot more than you did as a party of two.

Teamwork is also just having someone to talk to after a rough day. Support each other, allow each other to vent, and be a shoulder to lean on during challenging times. Sharing the highs and getting through the lows as a united front builds trust and respect for each other and brings your relationship to a whole new level.

“Teamwork is definitely communicating with your spouse, but it's also being flexible, because things won't always turn out the way you want them to.” 

- New Mom

Getting Sleep

Like most new moms, you’ve probably read up on childbirth and have, at the least, a general idea of what to expect, but what about making sure you get sleep once the baby’s born?

Labor and delivery will come and go, but sleep is a never-ending need, and it’s so often ignored. If you prepare now and give sleep the respect it deserves, you can majorly improve your first few months with a newborn. Don’t get us wrong, you’ll still be up for feedings or fussy nights, but you’ll be able to manage fatigue and get more rest than you thought possible.

Sleep Deprivation: Lose-Lose for All

In many cultures around the globe, families and villages make sure new moms get at least thirty days of rest, and with all that help, dads are more likely to rest, too.

But in America, we're short on help and don’t get close to enough sleep. Studies show new parents are not only challenged in getting solid (not fragmented) sleep, but it takes a long time to regain that “normal” feeling of rested we had before becoming parents: the struggle for sleep is no small thing.

Today, new parents expect to be sleep-deprived and see it as “just the way things are”—a rite of passage. But with the damage it wreaks on our well-being, we should definitely be more concerned. Research shows prolonged sleep deprivation impairs judgment, causes accidents, generates frustration, kills brain cells, and exacerbates postpartum mood disorders. 

And the brain fog, frustration and stress you feel from lack of sleep is unhealthy for your baby, too: it’s hard to be at your best when you’re bone tired.

“Sleep can take over everything. You can't enjoy your relationship with the baby or your husband if you're always sleep deprived
you're always just trying to get by.” 

— New Mom

"The worst thing we can do to ourselves as women is try to do it all. If you have family, let them help."  

- New Mom

A Sleep Checklist

Our society values worker bees, and a mom's self-image is often rooted in putting her baby’s needs before her own. But if you don’t make sleep a priority, it will slip to the bottom of your list, and your baby needs you to be as rested as possible. 

The truth is, when you sleep you are putting your baby’s needs before your own, because you’re giving her a mom who feels better, functions better, makes better decisions, and is in a better overall mood: winning!

Here are some suggestions to encourage sleep


Back to Top

Pin It on Pinterest