You may not be making the money, but you can certainly manage the money to make sure you and your wife are being smart with your finances.
One of the first things other women will ask your wife when she says you are a stay-at-home dad is, "Does he cook?" Becoming a master chef will not only contribute to your household but also allow you to show off when friends come over.
For many dads, this is even more difficult to learn than cooking. If your wife comes home to a disaster zone after working all day, it will only add to the tension. This also comes with a side benefit. When you leave her with the kids she will see just how difficult it is to manage the kids while also keeping the house clean and orderly.
It can be easy to become distracted by your phone or other outside sources, especially if your child is capable of entertaining himself. Being at home gives you the unique opportunity to actively shape your child's future from the very beginning.
The study found that mothers who work 40 hours per week were much more likely to engage with their children after work than fathers who work 40 hours per week. In addition, both labor and child care were more evenly distributed in situations where the at-home parent was a male.
Living off one income may seem intimidating at first. However, when looking at how much childcare actually costs, this decision may become easier. Below are the national average weekly costs of childcare as of 2015:
After-School Sitter | $214.05 |
Au Pair | $360 |
Child Care Center (one child) | $196 |
Family Child Care Center (one child) | $181 |
Nanny | $556.80 |
Your Child Will Experience A Unique Perspective
While moms are still praised as the best caretakers for their children, dads are gaining respect by bringing a unique perspective to child rearing.
Dr. Kyle D. Pruett, a Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine, has done a number of studies on the effect a father has on his children. Some of the results of active involvement by the father showed greater emotional balance, stronger curiosity and a stronger sense of self-assurance in the child.
In addition, further studies have shown that, in the first five years of a child's life, the father is more influential than the mother when it comes to the child learning how to manage his or her body, navigate social circumstances, and play.
A final interesting point mentioned in this article, "a 1996 study by McGill University found that the 'single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is paternal involvement in childcare'."
Nothing is worse than working at a soul-sucking job just for the paycheck. Worst of all, our society often places work at the center of self-worth.
It is no wonder that, as recently as 2015, 70% of U.S. employees reported feeling "not engaged" with their work. Engagement is described as "being able to use your talents and strengths at work".
On the other hand, being at home with your child will put all of your strengths and weaknesses to the test. Every day is a new challenge. Just when you think you've got things figured out, your child will hit a new milestone and throw you for a loop.
ABC News: Stay-at-Home Dads Reflect on Criticism (6:55)
If you ever face doubts about staying at home just remember: kids can't tell the difference. They only have their own reference point. They will see Dad being at home as normal. Some working moms even relay experiences of their kids saying things like "But who will feed us?" when Dad is not around.
Not only will you lose out on potential income, you will begin to fall behind in the job market.
With only one income supporting the family, it would be wise to consider having higher savings in the bank to guard against potential layoffs. Most financial advisors suggest having enough saved to be able to live for 3-6 months without any income. With only one income, savings for 6-12 months of living expenses is a safer bet.
There is a loss of the sense of community you get through work. It can often feel like you are actually a stuck-at-home dad. This is why it's so important to get out with your little one. Get to the park, join a group, even if everyone else in the group is a mom. As stay-at-home dads, we cannot be taken seriously by moms until we show them we are just as capable, and at times, even more capable!
READ: Breadwinner Wives and Nervous Husbands - The New York Times
"But what if the woman stays in the labor force and does earn more than her spouse? How does this affect the marriage?" The findings here are striking. In such couples, surveys show, both wife and husband generally report being less happy about the marriage.
A study highlighted in the article points out that marriages where the wife earns more than the husband results in 50% more divorces than more traditional marriages where the man makes more.
We live in a very risk-averse society. The pressure moms feel to keep kids safe is a lot stronger than the pressure dads feel. In fact, dads are often encouraged to play rough with their kids and let them get into risky situations.
As this Huffington Post article points out, it's easy to get caught up in all the things going wrong at any given moment. It's helpful to take a big-picture approach when deciding whether to sweat.
Ask yourself questions like, "Will I even remember this a week from now?" or "How long will this upset me?" If you find that you're having anxiety over things that will only upset you in the very short term (i.e. that day) then you may be over analyzing the situation.
Another important factor is how our anxiety affects our children. Studies have found that children who grow up with anxious parents take on their anxiety. We all want happy well-adjusted children, and anxiety is counterproductive for that goal.
If you're looking for a little extra help, check out the book Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and It's All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson.
This is especially important when children are toddlers and teenagers. These two ages are when children most struggle for their independence from Mom and Dad. Think long term: it's okay to lose a battle, as long as you win the war!
We've included some helpful resources below. If you don't find everything you need here, remember, other parents are always a great source of ideas.
Parents.com: Pick Your Battles When Disciplining Toddlers
Kids can be so weird and silly at times. It's so easy to try to shape them into little adults, but it's important to remember to let kids be who they are.
Many times, dads are all too eager to get silly with kids, often beating them at their own game. As this discussion points out, there are even ways to make chores fun!
Such a simple idea, yet often hard to do. There are never-ending tasks that seem to pile up faster than they can be accomplished. Everyone needs a mental recharge, so sometimes just sitting back and forgetting about the dishes piling up can be a good thing.
This also goes back to helping our children deal with anxiety. If they never see us relaxed, they will have a hard time relaxing as they grow up.
Don't Make Me Hold Your Baby (2:42)
Weird Advice New Parents Get (3:41)
From reddit user Colauratura - A lot of people seem to be asking how to do all the housework with your kids underfoot. It changes a lot with age, but there are some with youngerlings (0-3). So, if I may add my two cents, here it is. 0-3s are not easy, but when they get to about 18 months they love to be doing whatever it is you are doing. So make chores a game. My 2-year-old likes to throw laundry in the washer/dryer a la basketball. And I'll be damned if he doesn't think that putting away silverware faster than me isn't the most fun thing ever. Anything can be done faster than you, and they will show you! You are showing these kids the importance of contributing to the household when you do this, and it really can be just as fun. You just need to amp up the excitement and portray it as such.
Working from Home sketch comedy clip (1:51)