Cornerman's Guide to Childbirth

Your Role as Her Birth Coach

Real labor is your cue to take charge; be confident, calm and make sure everything she needs gets handled. She is your fighter in the ring and you are her capable protector who is going to help her get through this. You will want to remain positive for her no matter how you feel.

• Get ready early: Once labor starts, check your lists and make sure everything is packed and ready to go.

• Make the calls & check her in: Call the doctor, handle the paperwork and any hassles at the hospital.

• Manage communications: With the nursing and medical staff, ask questions and get answers.

• Present your birth plan: To the labor nurse on each shift and remind them of its core elements.

• Support her: The nurses will go through shift changes; you are the core member of her support team.

• Manage friends & relatives: You may need to politely ask visitors to wait outside. The nurse will help.

• Be flexible: Deal constructively with new events and changes in course.

• Handle any tough decisions: Keep her informed, though she may not be fully lucid when in labor.

• Listen to her: If she’s shy about making requests, ask her what she wants every now and then.

• Encourage & reassure: Build her confidence. Tell her she’s doing great, how proud of her you are and how much you love her.

• Indulge her: In any way possible, pursue every request regardless of whether you think it’s necessary.

• Take her best shots: It’s the pain and frustration talking. You’re helping her blow off steam (and pain).

• Watch her face: When you present your baby to her to hold for the first time.

Be Her Advocate

Only you will know what she really wants, and you need to express her needs to the staff. Intervene and, if necessary, be assertive, such as askingfor the anesthesiologist or doctor to be paged. Do not lose control and become obnoxious; this will scare her and you will become the problem. Keep her informed and let her wishes guide your actions.

She Needs You

Your presence alone is a major comfort to her as she experiences the surreal, often excruciating experience of birth for the first time. She needs your familiar voice and touch and knowing you care for her more than anything else.

Is It Time to Go?

Contractions are 40-60 seconds long and 5 minutes apart for an hour

One of you is concerned

Water has broken OR there's bleeding OR there's pain between contractions

If Problems Develop

If things aren’t going as planned the doctor might suggest an intervention, ranging from the use of forceps to a cesarean birth. If it’s an emergency, there will probably be no time for consideration, but if it’s not, you can ask questions such as:

If a problem develops:

While your own feelings can be overwhelming, your response to the needs of your family at this critical time will be crucial. Hang in there: This is when a new baby really needs his father.

Caesarean Birth Basics

About one-third of births in the U.S. involve surgery. Most hospitals allow dads in the operating room for a routine caesarean, and you can still participate by talking to your mate, who may remain awake during the procedure. Tell her that she and the baby are doing great, that you love her, and what is going on, especially after the baby is born.

Keep in mind:

•• You may be separated from your mate while she is prepped and she may get scared.

•• A drape is hung across her chest so she (and you) will not be able to see

the actual surgery.

•• In a caesarean, the baby is born in the first 5-10 minutes and another 30-45 minutes is spent repairing mom. With her arms under the surgical drape, she cannot hold her baby.

•• After birth, your baby’s lungs will be suctioned to remove fluid that would be squeezed out during birth.

•• Hold your baby close to her face so she can look him in the eyes, touch

him and say hello.

•• When he is taken from the OR to be checked and cleaned, go with your baby. Tell mom you are going with him and you both will see her soon.

•• When you and your baby get in your room, take your shirt off and

hold him skin-to-skin, look him in the eyes and welcome him.

The hospital stay after a caesarian birth is longer, providing many opportunities to learn how to care for your baby from the nurses and great bonding time alone with your new family. Of course, her recovery will require weeks, and you will need to fill the gap.

"While they were stitching my wife up, I went to the warming table with the nurse and my baby. I was the first voice that she really heard, and when I opened up, she zoned right in on me. That was probably the most heart-melting moment I’ve ever had.” - Veteran Dad

Coaching Her Through Labor

When Labor Starts

What Is Happening?

Early Labor

Labor averages 15 hours for first-time moms, with about half that time spent at home, which is more comfortable than a hospital room.

• Encourage her to relax, sleep, talk, walk, take a bath (get a quick shower yourself), watch a movie, or snuggle (these last hours together before you become parents can be very special).

• Try to get her mind off her labor and save her energy for later, as it gets more intense.

• Encourage her to eat, drink fluids and go to the bathroom.

Drive Her Carefully

Periodically Log Contractions

Logging her contractions can cause her to focus on them and the pain they bring; just log 4-5 to get their length and time apart (to report to the doctor and hospital). Then when she thinks they have gotten longer or closer, log another 4-5. This may help save your best moves re: pain until she really needs them.

For iPhones, download Full-Term Contraction Timer, or Contraction Timer for Android.

Or use the log below with a clock with a second hand to track her labor progress and note what works. Write in the contraction’s start time to the second and its stop time, then determine the length. The time from one start time to next is how far apart they are (see example). Note what works so you can remember later.

Help Her Deal with Pain

Pain Medication: Yes, No, Maybe?

Her method for dealing with pain is her call. If she wants an epidural, urge that it be provided as early as possible and don’t expect it to eliminate all her pain. Ask the nurses at what point is it too late for her to obtain one, so she doesn’t miss the window. Use basic pain control techniques to help her. If she wants to go without pain meds, support her in every way possible. If she has trouble tolerating the pain early in labor, encourage her to consider medication since it may get much worse. If it’s late in labor, remind her how far along she is and encourage her to stick it out, so she knows she gave it her best shot. Follow her wishes, and if she requests an epidural, ask that it be administered immediately.

Focus on Her

Engage Her Directly

• Get hands-on; hold her gently, caress her head, massage her, get whisper-close to her face.

• Talk her through each contraction; pace her breathing, tell her when it peaks and is done.

• Start breathing with her and if she falters, encourage her: “Breathe with me…there you go. Stay with it now…hang in there. It’s starting to peak…it’s on the way down. That’s it, baby.”

• You may need to get face-to-face to get her focus back. Calmly but firmly, tell her: “Look at me, stay with me. I love you and am going to help you get through this…breathe with me.”

• Once a contraction ends, help her relax. Ask if she wants anything else, and depending on how it’s going, suggest a different position, breathing pattern, or whatever you think might work.

Intense Coaching Time

If she becomes distraught, desperate, super stressed, or experiences serious pain, it’s time to take your coaching to the next level and help her regroup. This will be intense, so get in close, stay with her, and do whatever you can that may work. Never give up on her; If you do, you can no longer help her. Project confidence and firmness in your manner, touch and tone of voice. Remember, she will be feeling birth pain for the first time and may react in unexpected ways.

Silence Can Be Best

Call In Reinforcements

Common Labor Terms

Dilation: Width in centimeters of opening in the cervix, with 10 cms (4 inches) required for birth.

Effacement: Flatness of the cervix represented by a percent.

Position: Direction the baby is facing.

Presentation: Part of the baby coming first (ideally, head down).

Station: How far down the first part of the baby is in the birth canal, on a scale of -5 (high up) to +5 (ready to birth).

Crowning: When Baby’s head begins to appear before birth.

Apgar Score: A nurse evaluates your baby both 1 and 5 minutes after birth on five characteristics (like breathing and skin color) and gives each a score between 0 and 2. A total score of 7+ indicates your baby is doing well; less than 7 says some added care is needed.

Things to Try

SOFT MUSIC

MASSAGE

PAIN MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES

Use the techniques you learned in childbirth class and try anything else you (or she) thinks might work:

Set up the room with pictures, scented oil, etc.
Help her establish a focal point.
Take her mind off labor by reading to her, or engaging her mind in other ways.
Try slow dancing with her arms around your neck.
Ask for an exercise ball.
Let her squeeze your hand during contractions.
Suggest she change her breathing pattern.
Encourage her to grunt like a tennis player.
Suggest she lies in different positions.
When she’s pushing, work with the nurse to hold her legs in a position that helps her bear down.

Dealing With Back Labor

The hard back of the baby’s head may be pushing on mom’s spine. Ideas to reduce her pain:

Try a position that moves the baby’s head away from her spine, like mom on her hands and knees.
Changing positions, pelvic rocking or squatting may help rotate the baby and relieve the pain.
Strong massage or pushing to create counter pressure where it hurts.
Try tennis balls in a sock.
Hot packs, ice, or a warm bath or shower with the water targeting the pain may help.
Ask the nurse or doctor for ideas.

Coaching Mom Through Labor At The Hospital

ACTIVE LABOR

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

This is when a labor coach really gets to work.

• Encourage her to walk around, but hold her during contractions.

• Suggest a rocking chair, exercise ball, or shower to speed up labor.

• If pain meds are requested, insist they be delivered promptly.

• Use relaxation techniques and lots of gentle encouragement.

• Remind her to breathe through the pain and breathe with her.

• Keep instructions simple and repeat them.

• Review pain control techniques.

TRANSITION

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

• No matter how scary, remain calm and keep reassuring her everything is OK.

• She may feel a strong urge to push but shouldn’t – help her resist by firmly reminding her to use the panting breathing technique.

• If attempting a natural birth, she’s close to being finished, and you should intensely coach her through each contraction.

• Tell her she’s doing a great job and the end is near.

• If she had an epidural and wants to be more active in the final pushing stage, ask to have her epidural dose lowered at the end of Transition.

PUSHING

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

• Get in physically close and help her any way you can.

• Help her maintain the position which provides her the best leverage.

• Anticipate a poopy mess that you should ignore.

• Have her keep her chin down for maximum force, and not arch her back.

• Help her adjust to a new position for more leverage if she needs it.

• If the doctor says stop pushing, have her pant through contractions.

• As the baby’s head appears, suggest she reach down and feel it.

• If she wants to watch, ask for a mirror. Take a look yourself if you want.

BIRTH

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

• This is when she will truly become a mother, so “congratulations, mom!” is in order. Congratulations to you too, dad!

• Make sure she has a chance to breastfeed soon after the baby is born, if she wants; help by holding your baby’s lips close to her breast.

• Unless your baby needs special care, ask for an hour of family time together.

• Get some pictures; ask the nurse to take a few family shots.

• If mom gets the chills, find her a blanket.

• If afterbirth pains bother her, ask for pain medication.

Things to Remember

To assure your child’s birth is a magical moment for you, remember a few things:

Stand Your Ground

Avoid Fainting

Go With Your Baby

Take A Break

Take Her Best Shots

Get Back In The Game

Give Love A Chance

"I felt like I bonded with my son as soon as I held him. He would kind of look up at me and I felt a lot of love for him right away and was really glad that I had time with him for just ourselves.” - Veteran Dad

Welcome Her To The World

One of the best things we fathers can do with our children as they grow is talk to them. That first conversation will always be special.

• “Hello, Olivia. I’m your daddy! You’re my daughter. I love you.”

• “I’m here. You’re going to be okay. You’re safe. Everything’s going to be all right.”

• “I am always going to take care of you.”

She is definitely wondering what is happening, so tell her.

Cornerman's Guide to Childbirth

Cornerman's Guide to Childbirth

Your Role as Her Birth Coach

Read More

Be Her Advocate

She Needs You

Is It Time to Go?

Contractions are 40-60 seconds long and 5 minutes apart for an hour

One of you is concerned

Water has broken OR there's bleeding OR there's pain between contractions

If Problems Develop

Read More

If a problem develops:

Caesarean Birth Basics

Read More

Coaching Her Through Labor

When Labor Starts

What Is Happening?

Early Labor

Drive Her Carefully

Periodically Log Contractions

Help Her Deal with Pain

Pain Medication: Yes, No, Maybe?

Focus on Her

Engage Her Directly

Intense Coaching Time

Silence Can Be Best

Call In Reinforcements

Common Labor Terms

Things to Try

SOFT MUSIC

MASSAGE

PAIN MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES

Dealing With Back Labor

Read More

Coaching Mom Through Labor At The Hospital

ACTIVE LABOR

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

TRANSITION

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

PUSHING

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

BIRTH

What Is It?

What's Happening With Mom?

Strategies From Veteran Dads

Things to Remember

Stand Your Ground

Avoid Fainting

Go With Your Baby

Take A Break

Take Her Best Shots

Get Back In The Game

Give Love A Chance

Welcome Her To The World

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