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If You are Never in the Mood

It is supposed to be mom who is too tired or simply doesn't feel like it. In reality, it is often dad who is hesitant about resuming sex after mom is good to go.

Common hurdles include:

  • New dads have a lot on their minds - You have a new focus in life or are pre-occupied with problems you face (financing a new family for example). This leaves you with little interest in sex.
  • Moms do not make good sex objects - The naughty imagery that drives sex can clash sharply with the picture of your mate breastfeeding or changing a diaper. It can be especially hard to feel lusty when she suddenly reminds you of your own mom.
  • Her new body is unattractive to you - Extra weight, flabby tummy, stretch marks, and a lack of time to take care of herself does not fit the average guy's notion of a sex goddess. It is hard for her to feel sexy as well, which can leave little inspiration all the way around.

A variety of other serious turnoffs can apply: nervousness about intercourse during pregnancy lingers, graphic birth images stick in your mind, etc. The result is you are having a hard time becoming reattracted to your mate as your lover.

An active love life is important, of course. You have lost your sex kitten, and your lack of interest may leave your partner feeling rejected, unattractive, unfulfilled and unloved at a time she needs you more than ever.

Believing you no longer find her appealing can be devastating to her. You are not going to be feeling great either.

Suggestions from Those Who Have Been There
It happens, and you need to deal with it proactively. Ideas from guys who have been down this road include:

  1. Talk about it with her and reassure her that you love her.
  2. Exercise or try some new activity together.
  3. Try cuddling, massage and other non-sexual intimacy.
  4. Turn out the lights and let her seduce you, or try mutual manual sex.
  5. Get away overnight without the baby, where she has the opportunity to take her time, dress up and look her best.
  6. Engage in a mild fantasy that shakes up your normal images of each other.

Again, give it time, but don't give up. Talk to a counselor if it gets serious. This is one issue you definitely want to take care of for both of you.


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