Return to Romance Article

If She is Never in the Mood

Almost half of new moms have little to no desire for making love three months after birth, with some experiencing an actual aversion to sexual activity. Sexual issues are much more complex for mom, and often leave her puzzled or confused.

Combined with the many other issues with which she must contend, her obligation to resume sex may simply be the "straw that breaks the camel's back."

She may be angry over real or perceived pressure from you to engage in lovemaking, and at the same time, feel inadequate since she cannot perform for you. She may also be unhappy, or downright angry, regarding your contributions as a father and husband.

Her expectations, driven by the demands she faces and her own considerable needs, may be extreme and impossible to meet. Regardless, the net result is that she withholds the rewards offered by her treasures.

If you had significant conflict in your relationship prior to her pregnancy, your unresolved issues are going to be in play. While the stress added by a new baby will intensify them, your baby will also provide a new and overarching motivation to make a fresh start on resolving them.

In this situation, sex deprivation is a symptom of a larger problem, which will be magnified if you focus only on sex. If your love life crashed and burned early in the pregnancy, you will generally have a tougher time getting back on track.

No matter the cause, a patient, proactive approach focused on strengthening your relationship, rather than satisfying your own immediate urges, is the strategy of choice.

Suggestions include serious communication coupled with assurance of your commitment to her and your baby, physical closeness in the form of hugs without even perceived pressure for sex, and all of the other ideas contained in this chapter.

Sometimes it is a matter of breaking the ice; just getting back on the horse so to speak. Make sure there are opportunities for time alone together, and a fresh approach that exceeds her expectations of you and creates a new path to intimacy.

In other cases, deep, divisive issues that present a danger to your marriage need to be handled. Get some professional help in the form of counseling. Give it time, and don't give up.


Take our website home with Crash Course for Dads-To-Be.

Have something you want to tell us? Let us know.