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Feeling Guilty About Not Connecting With Baby
I discovered DadsAdventure.com after a long fought struggle with my son today. He is four months old, completely healthy and is an absolutely handsome little man. But I find myself feeling further and further from him every day.
I have run through every course of emotions with him and still find myself struggling to meet in a place where I feel "love" for him. I think one of the worst feelings is that I can not deal with his crying even for a couple of minutes. When he cries I immediately jump to anger and become beyond irrational. It is to the point my wife and I are at odds over the struggle. I have tried to "find a happy" place or "change what I am trying" but continue to find myself struggling more the next day than the one before. I often times end up feeling so angry that I wish he wasn't in my life all together. Words can not describe how guilty I feel when everything calms down and I think about my anger and emotion towards him during our battle.
Any advice to help me get back in the saddle would be great, I have so much to be thankful for with him; I just can't seem to find the common ground.
We receive a variety of emails like yours. There are a lot of guys who have problems; very few reach out for solutions, so consider yourself committed, which is most of the battle.
Advice for curbing your escalating frustration and anger:
- Get headphones and crank up your favorite music. Put your son in a stroller or front pack when it is time for him to sleep, say bye to the wife and go for a walk. Once out, if you hear him crying, crank up headphones and walk faster, he will be fine. This gives your wife a break, she sees her husband taking care of her baby, and you spend some quality time with your boy. If this works for you, keep it up, daily if possible.
- Try to figure out what is triggering your reaction to the crying. Dig into your feelings to see if you can find a clue; getting it out on the table typically helps you process it and put it behind you. (A professional counselor can help you with this.)
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